Review of “Parenting Is a Contact Sport” by Joanne Stern

I’m a big Stephen Covey fan and a lot of my parenting and professional habits have been influenced by his works.  So imagine my excitement when I picked up this book to see an endorsement from Stephen himself on the top of the front cover!

Read on to see how this book can help you become a better father and learn some quick tips that you can apply right away.  

Description: Using a combination of stories derived from from her occupation as a family counselor and personal stories from her own family, the author gives parents easy to implement tips to help them with a variety of situations including Discipline, Fostering a Sense of Belonging, Sex and Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem.  Here’s a full list of what the book covers:

To read some sample pages, check out these pages at Amazon.com or download the first chapter from the Author’s website.

Fatherhood Elements of the Book: While the book is definitely written from a mother’s point of view, her tips and stories are universal enough for any father to relate to.  Some anecdotes from her job as a counselor also involve fathers and the positive/negative impacts they’ve had on their kids lives.

It’s interesting to note that the author raised her children as a single mother after having divorced her first husband.  Due to this event, many references are made to the difficulties she faced as they (her and her two daughters) transitioned through the separation and her eventual marriage to her second husband.  If you know of a mother who’s going through this scenario, this book would potentially be a great gift for them.

Incredible Dad Opinion: I was immediately struck by how easy the book was to read and how useful the tips were.  I like stories and there were a lot of them in this book (versus too much theory or statistics) to reinforce each of the author’s points.  Here are three tips that resonated with me:

It’s All About The Relationship “My theory is that when both you and your child believe in the power of the relationship, almost all situations can be resolved through open and honest talking.”  The author goes on to say that ultimately, we (as parents) have very little power over our kids and as they grow up and decide not to obey us, we get in tougher and tougher spots.  However, if you can build your family around the core principle of relationship, to always maintain intimate contact, this can create a position of friendship and trust between you and your kids where you can guide and counsel them through their problems and have fun at the same time.

In Any Kind of Discipline, Leave Your Anger Behind “Imposing discipline out of anger gives your children the message that they get punished when you get angry rather than when they misbehave… You can get angry, you can express your anger, but wait until you’ve calmed down before you take action… Otherwise, your children may become afraid of you and your feelings because you appear unpredictable and out of control – the opposite of being worthy of your child’s trust and respect.”

Don’t Judge or Ridicule “If you judge kids, laugh at them or sling recriminations rather than honour their mistakes, kids won’t open up.  If you’re unpredictable or inconsistent, they’ll be afraid to share with you.  And remember my tip that when a problem arises, don’t panic…Make your discipline about interaction and the opportunity for them to learn so that kids understand the reasoning in it.  They’ll notice the difference between discipline, in which they participate, and punishment, which is beyond their control… Your kids will respect you for your wisdom in being fair, and it will make it easier for them to be honest with you.”

Best Aspects of Book: Excellent balance between relevant tips and interesting stories to make this an easy, yet informative, read.

Worst Aspects of Book: A small thing but a summary at the end of every chapter, highlighting all the tips, would have been nice and would have made the book easier to reference as you encounter different situations.  Even an index would have helped.

In Summary: This is a well-written book with tips based on actual experiences of her family and those that the author has counseled in the past.  One can easily implement the tips into their own lives and see, if done consistently, the benefits over time.  Well worth the time spent reading it.

Book Website: http://www.parentingisacontactsport.com/

Other Posts That Might Interest You:

1. Review of “Best Things Fathers Do” by Will Glennon
2. Parenting and “The Power of Now”
3. Review of “Dads Matter” by Bob Hazleton